Touching the light, and allowing it to GROW!
It can feel like touching a literal FLAME.
It BURNS inside of you, and sometimes feels like it might CONSUME you.
What light am I talking about?
The light that EVERYONE is born with.
A DESIRE to help people and to do great things that MATTER.
YOUR life matters to someone.
YOU matter to ME. I may not even know you, but EVERYONE matters to me.
WHy? Because I believe that we are ALL here for a reason. EVERYONE has a purpose.
Your purpose may not be as visible as others.
You might be a CEO of a company.
You might be a public speaker.
You might be an entrepreneur with a million dollar idea.
You might be building a great cathedral of posterity by mothering many children behind a mostly closed door.
But if you LOVE what you do, and you have that vision that your efforts MATTER, and that your work is GREAT, then KEEP ON DOING IT!
But guess what?
There is ALWAYS ROOM to grow.
Yep. GOD made us with amazing bodies and brains that can bear incredible amounts of knowledge and use. As science tells us, we don’t REALLY understand about 80% of what our body REALLY can do and HOW it “works.” And our brain capacity? Ya…. we are still at about 10% capacity on the regular person.
As a sophomore in high school, I felt this burning flame for the first time. I just BARELY touched it, and as I felt how HOT it was just from touching it, I quickly drew back and hid from it.
You see, a mentor of mine asked me to do something that he knew I COULD do, but I bet he wondered if I would REALLY do it. But he opened the door for the opportunity anyhow. Putting himself at risk in the process. If only I knew then, what I do NOW.
This man is a TRUE leader. He looks to bring out the potential in others, even at personal risk.
Well, I accepted his request- to be the pianist for the school show choir and accompany them to state competitions and other productions they were asked to tour around and do. I did my best. I really did. But it was one of the hardest things I EVER did in high school. It was SCARY. It stretched my skills. It STRETCHED my time management skills. It STRETCHED me personally a lot.
And you know what? I didn’t do it as well as another probably could have. And I KNEW it. And he knew it. But he never said anything contrary to me.
I did my best.
And even though I didn’t offer this mentor the flawless performance he of course hoped for, he still applauded me and gave me the opportunity, and I haven’t forgotten it.
But this was the first time someone had approached me and asked me to do something I had never done, knowing it would be HARD for me to do. And I felt a little flicker of flame at the confidence someone else instilled in me. As I strived to not let this person down, I had to grasp that little spark I felt and allow it to grow a bit to reach my best. During this process, I realized that I had CHANGED. This light, this spark, this stretching I was doing…. was leaving me a different person.
After this experience, I was a TON more confident. In all aspects of my life actually.
After this experience, I was more willing to take a risk.
After this experience, I was more willing to take a risk on OTHERS.
And people noticed, and I noticed that they noticed, and as a teenager, I actually was AFRAID of this new feeling and tried my best to downplay it and forget about it altogether.
You see… some people THRIVE on popularity…. I DO NOT. I do NOT like being in the limelight. I DO NOT like public praise. It is VERY uncomfortable for me. However….. this little light of mine, really does like to be recognized for a job well done. Some tangible evidence that I had made a difference somewhere.
This little light started shining again after I graduated from high school and moved out. And that light attracted a man that had the same light shining, and we got married. 🙂
This little light would spark and flicker at moments throughout my college days as I finished an intense study program in Culinary School- then as I moved on and finished my Bachelors in Business Management. There were times when I had to speak in public, make a business plan and present it, and lead a team to invest and make a profit. There WERE moments when the flame would start to heat up and I could feel something literally GROWING in my stomach- a FEELING of purpose and love and goodness and gratitude. What WAS IT??? I liked it… but it often attributed to me trying to take leadership positions and speak out… and that was SCARY. It affected people…. and yet…. I wanted to do that…. I think. 🙂
Over the next few years I didn’t feel that light much, except some very special days. The BIRTH days of each of my kids. Those days were SPECIAL. That light inside of me burned BRIGHT as I gazed at my children’s newborn faces and counted their toes and marveled at their eyes and arms and ears. Babies are SUCH a miracle to me. And I LOVE my babies FEIRCELY.
Then, in 2012, after I was diagnosed pre-diabetic and started researching (see MY STORY) how to really EAT right and how to take care of our physical bodies CORRECTLY… I started to feel this light again… something STIRRING in my soul.
The more I learned, the more it grew, and it started to get SCARY again. I started to speak out. I started this blog. I Started to help others and be more vocal about my pains and my struggles and HOW I overcame them. Because…. I could SEE the hope that my words gave others. And the success they were seeing was something others needed to KNOW about.
But that light…. it was burning SO much, that it was starting to CONSUME me.
Why did it DO that?
It was almost unbearable!
It made my heart race. It make my mind think a million miles a minute. It made me hug my children tighter. It made me live life with PURPOSE and DESIRE. It was helping me to wake up each day with PLANS and reasons and this and that… and it was HARD to control.
What was this LIGHT?
Others could see it.
My family noticed.
My husband noticed.
My friends noticed.
My kids noticed.
Then I read this quote,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson
And it HIT me SO HARD.
This light, was my SOUL. My very SOUL, my SPIRIT being TAPPED into. Devine nature, and POWER that resides in me, in ALL of us, that remains untapped unless we CHOOSE to tap into it.
I have learned, that agency is TRULY the greatest of all the abilities that we have. To be able to CHOOSE what we do, who we become, and HOW we do it and WHAT we think.
A couple years later, after having another baby, and continuing to just TAP into this light of mine…. I had an opportunity come up that offered me the chance to change my families future. To change MY future. And MOST importantly…. the future of OTHERS.
As I pondered this opportunity, I felt that light again. And it was BURNING. There was a distinct YEARNING to be used, to be harnessed to be used to its FULLEST potential! Gifts and talents and skills that I had learned BEFORE this life were buzzing around WAITING to be used here on Earth. I contemplated what this opportunity would mean. What time it would take. What personal RISK was involved. WHO it would affect. And after some PRAYER and fasting and doing reading and study about it. I jumped for it.
My deepest fear is that I am inadequate. I don’t fully understand how to harness this light that I feel… but one thing I am SURE of… is that LIGHT comes from GOD and DARKNESS and FEAR come from the Devil.
There are times when the light DOES feel consuming. Times when I get a “Thank you. You have saved me. You have literally changed the direction of my life in a good way.” That the light lets me know that I am doing the right thing. That this opportunity, is something God provided me. A vehicle, a channel, a PLACE for me to serve others with the talents and gifts I have, and skills and gifts I am learning to acquire by being OPEN to use this light and LET IT SHINE! And it DOES take my time. It DOES take my energy. But I AM affecting lives for the better. I AM allowing others this opportunity to use THIER light. It is SCARY. But it is WORTH IT!