Pregnancy test? Or maxipads…….

Vulnerable post:::::::> but I’ve learned the POWER of vulnerability! It HELPS people. <3 It HELPS me. Being vulnerable, is being REAL. And if you can live in the REALITY of your life, you can CHANGE your LIFE. BUT if you wanna hear how I found out I was pregnant, read on. 😀
 
Ever since I found out I was pregnant, my mind has had a hard time comprehending the next few years of my life.
 
With our four little children these past 3 years we have created a comfortable pattern of life. A comfortable bedroom situation. A comfortable Car situation. A comfortable dining room situation. A comfortable budget. A nice even number when buying tickets for things, and well…. we were just feeling really stable.
 
I was in the best shape of my life physically and mentally as well.
 
I had a great work routine. Things were progressing, and I felt able and powerful.
 
We first had infertility issues with baby #2- waiting 18 months to get pregnant and going through the ups and downs of that… baby #3 was a surprise, and again, we experienced some long months with baby #4 which was the main reason I went to the doctor back in 2012 when my health journey began. And this baby was no different. I can’t “plan” my pregnancies. They have all been a surprise in one way or another. We KNEW it was a possibility, but never knew WHEN.
 
The story of how I found out about this baby is actually quite illustrative of how my mindset about getting pregnant has changed through years of waiting for it to happen.
IMG_2174
We were planning our first big family camping trip of the summer, and we were ECSTATIC that we were going!!! We’ve worked hard to change my husbands work load so that we could enjoy more summer vacations when the weather is nice. He has seasonal work, and for the past 8 summers we’ve not had many family adventures. So this was a BIG deal! My period was due the Sunday before our trip, set to leave early on Friday. Well… after waiting over a year with several of our other babies, I just don’t think about it anymore when my period is late, cuz it is 4-5 days late OFTEN. And so I thought this was no different.
 
Thursday afternoon came and I had my list of last minute items to pack, and maxi pads was there…. with a question mark. My thought pattern, “Ugh. I hate buying that stuff. Its expensive, and annoying while your camping! I’ll just bring it along. It will probably start tomorrow. It usually waits until the “best time” to arrive. {insert eye roll} OR…… My period is 5 days late….. maybe I’ll just buy a cheap pregnancy test, and then if I’m pregnant, I don’t have to buy any of it! Yes… thats what I’ll do.”
See that mindset? No emotion… just practical thinking. 😉
Well…..that is just what I did! I quickly drove to Target (my fav store), and bought a pregnancy test. The clerk winked at me and said, “Oh! Good luck!!!” I replied that I wasn’t so sure I wanted this to be positive… and she said, “of course you do! All kids are blessings from God!” and I just agreed and went to the store bathroom. 🙂 YEP. The STORE bathroom. Did the test, expecting a negative result, and just went about my bathroom business like normal. I quickly glanced at it to make sure it was negative before going out to buy maxi pads for the trip…… and had to do a triple take. LOL! I literally sat there in the stall for what seemed like minutes with one hand over my mouth taking in that positive test sign.
I pulled out the directions for the test to be SURE I was reading it right.
My heart started beating a mile a minute and my mind was a blur. I took a photo of the result, and texted my husband at work. He replied, “WHAAAAAA??????? Am I seeing this right!?”
We were both astounded. And he asked me where I was….. 😉 I told him the story…. he laughed. But understood.
We proceeded to go on our trip, not saying anything to the kids. I wasn’t really sick, just peeing a lot and feeling a little more sleepy than usual. We really didn’t have much to say. We were unusually quiet and contemplative on the trip. I could tell he was having just as much mental upheaval as I was. Grateful, yet scared. Grateful, yet all the memories of our past struggles with babies that cry for 6 months coming back. Grateful, yet remembering the exhaustion of sleepless nights. Grateful, yet knowing the risks of having a 5th c-section. Grateful, yet starting to figure the costs into our current budget plan.
Grateful…….. for one more chance to be co-creators with God by bringing another child into our family.
After we got back from our trip, was when we really got to sit down and THINK about what was happening.
We discussed when we would tell people, and what the next few months would unfold. Ultimately we decided that we would just tell people right away. That it does more good for us, and for people close to us to just know, so they can help if they can. I have had past pregnancies that were HORRIBLE at the start, puking for MONTHS on end, and a few that weren’t so brutal… but still I get tired a lot, and eating is a struggle for the first 4-5 months and with 4 other kids in the picture??! I felt I had to be open about what was going on.
So now the world knows, and its been quite the ride already. We are 25% through the pregnancy, and this week has been SO hard. I have struggled with the sickness. I have had to reach out to friends and family to help me. To take kids to appointments, to bring in dinner. To fold laundry, and take my kids for awhile. Its always been hard for me to be on the receiving end of service. To feel somewhat incapable. To feel somewhat unproductive. To feel like a burden.
I have to remind myself of the blessing that its been in my life TO SERVE others. To be on that giving end and to feel like I’m helping someone else. I feel like I’ve been there daily with my work as a health coach. It is SO fulfilling!
And to be SICK for so long these past weeks is hard. It really is. I’m being real with ya.
I got a Rx from my doctor so that the puking and nausea is not so bad… but the exhaustion is still there. The food aversions and digestion upset are still there. The headache and mental struggle for how my life is rapidly changing is still there.
When you can’t plan your pregnancies, you just go on with life. Planning family and business trips. Planning out your weeks of activities, family outings, church commitments, work commitments, etc. To live this way has taught me a few things.
To LIVE IN THE MOMENT. I have learned that some women that can plan for pregnancy, put life on hold so to speak, until the baby comes and they are a few months post-partum. Thats like a YEAR my friends. A YEAR. I can’t fathom not having personal and family and work plans for growth and change and progress for a YEAR. I realize thats just me. But I have learned that its served me well. To just plan for today, this week, this month, this year. Because if you have a plan, you have a direction. If you don’t set goals and move in that direction, then you stay stagnant.
When I expressed a few of my fears with this pregnancy to my brother, he gave me some sound advice that has carried me through some hard days.
“Trust the process of things. Trust your judgement. It will be ok. You’ll make it through ok. You always do.”
Trust the process of things. That hit me hard. He was right. I have been down this road before, and I have survived. I have been through this before and its been alright.
As I dug deeper into trusting my judgement, I realized this truth: I believe that each child, each pregnancy, is a gift. I believe that each struggle we go through is a gift. ALL for our good. This child NEEDS me, our family, a body. And in turn, I NEED this child. I NEED the experience I am having. It is all for my GOOD. God works that way. That is His process. I KNOW it.
That is my message for you today- Trust YOURSELF. You have all that you need inside you! You are a CHILD OF GOD. Your spirit has lived LONG before this earthly experience. You are WELL equipped with skills, courage, love, light, gifts, talents, and memories of greatness from BEFORE. If you allow yourself to FIND that person, and TRUST that person, your life WILL change and your perspective on your abilities and purpose for this life will change for the better.
Love you all!
xo Robyn
believe you can succeed

Comments

  1. Beverly July 21, 2016 at 11:01 am

    Love this!! Love you❣

Comments are closed.